maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize