We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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