this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize