seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize