Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
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At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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