i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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