dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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