I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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