Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There r osticjed everywhere
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize