My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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