my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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