So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
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you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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