Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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