if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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