My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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