You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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