I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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