I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
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just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
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I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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