I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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