I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize