so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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