matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
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just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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