the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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