he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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