you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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