I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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