Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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