went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
