got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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