What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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