When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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