I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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