He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
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I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
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You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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