I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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