I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
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Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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