I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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