Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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