he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
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It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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