This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
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Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
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Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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