Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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