Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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