my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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