Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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