I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
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she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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