saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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