I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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