Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
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You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
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He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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