in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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