Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize