Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
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Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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