So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize